a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dude. I can hear the air.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
