"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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