He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
