Can i not drive my cunt home
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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