Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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