My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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