There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
