On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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