who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
