she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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