And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
