You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
