so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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