Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize