Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
