I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize