??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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