Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize