her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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