I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
