Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
