just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
