You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
