:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
