The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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