she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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