he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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