im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
