I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
