My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
