I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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