Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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