he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
