This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is the high leading the old right now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize