I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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