I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
