I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize