so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
