There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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