I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
