break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
