dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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