All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
