once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
