It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
