I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
