Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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