but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
