At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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