he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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