How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
