Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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