I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
