You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Mom said you looked used
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
