I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
