At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
