nut hugger
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
