i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
