If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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