you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
