Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
