Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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