First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
