I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
