good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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