How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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