I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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