You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
