Already got asked if we're dating
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
