I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
